Happy Halloween !!!

Cubanosky !!!

Van dos cubanos de visita a Rusia y uno de ellos le pregunta al otro:

"¿Como vamos a pedir comida?"

El otro cubano responde: "Dejame eso a mi y tu veras como me entiendo con los rusos";

llama al mesero y le dice:

Quierosky arrosky blancosky con frijolosky negrosky".

Al poco rato, el mesero le trae arroz con frijoles negros tal y

como lo habia pedido,

a lo que el cubano comento:

Que facil es esto chicoooo!"

Entonces el mesero les dice:

Suertosky que yo soyosky cubanosky, porque sinosky iban a

comerosky mierdosky, los dosky".

Snoring Steven !!!

U.S. Passports In France

At a French airport... A group of American retired teachers recently went
to France on a tour. Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, was part
of the tour group.

At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his
carry-on. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs Officer
asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. "Then you
should know enough to have your passport ready."

The American said, " The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible!" barked the officer. "Americans always have to show their
passports on arrival in France ." The American senior gave the Frenchman a
long hard look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at
Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find
any Frenchmen to show it to."

Jim and Edna!

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental
hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,

Jim suddenly jumped into the deep
end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She
swam to the bottom and
pulled Jim out.


When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, for she
now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to
tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have
good news
and bad news.

The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to
rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of
another patient, I have concluded that your act displays a clearly
sound mind.

But, the bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the
bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after ! you saved him. I am so
sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

"How soon can I go home?"

Obituary of the late ... Mr. Common Sense!

Such is the world in which we live...................................................

Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
Why the early bird gets the worm;
Life isn't always fair; and
Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place ... Reports of a 6 year old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Steven the Nerd!

Middle aged at the beach!

She's silly!

Nice Organ

There was a church down in Texas that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. One of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green persimmons, and rub them on her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size. She warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons though, because they are so sour, they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a while. She agreed to try it. The following Sunday morning the minister got up on the pulpit and said....... "Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol we will not hath a thermon tewday."

Wise Words!

"Here's my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they lose."
- Ronald Reagan

"The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help."

! - Ronald Reagan

"The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant: It's just that they know so much that isn't so."

- Ronald Reagan

"Of the four wars in my lifetime none came about because the U.S. was too strong." - Ronald Reagan

"I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandment's would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress."

- Ronald Reagan

"The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination."

- Ronald Reagan

"Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other."

- Ronald Reagan

"The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program"

- Ronald Reagan

"I've laid down the law, though, to everyone from now on about anything that happens: no matter what time it is, wake me, even if it's in the middle of a Cabinet meeting."

- Ronald Reagan
"It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first."
- Ronald Reagan

"Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it."

- Ronald Reagan

"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book."

- Ronald Reagan

"No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women. - Ronald Reagan

"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under."

- Ronald Reagan

How to trap a terrorist!