Name change please!!

McLogic gone wrong!!!

Careful!!! Mass cow suicides!!!

Make up your frickin' minds!!!

Major dilemma in California!!!

Load em up with burritos mom!!!

I'm confused!!!

How the hell can I write if I'm illiterate!!!

How do you get there from here?

Good job!!!

Good deal!

Everything you need for a shotgun wedding!

Don't drink and make signs!

Beautiful lush lawns of dirt!

Things you don't normally see at the zoo!!!

What will I be when I grow up???

Rednecks!!!

Redneck Lawnmower! Redneck Motorcycle!!!
Redneck Palm Pilot!!!
Redneck Powerball Winner!
Redneck Weather Station!!!
Redneck Wedding Reception!
Redneck guest houses!!!
Redneck Gingerbread house!!!
Redneck Horseshoe!
Redneck Bass Boat!!!
Redneck BBQ Grill!!!

Follow the Rat!!!

A man walked into a curio shop in Galveston Texas.

Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very life-like,

life-size bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag,

but it looked so striking that he decided he must have it.

He took it to the owner and asked "How much is the bronze rat?"

"Twelve dollars for the rat, a hundred dollars if you bring it back," said the owner.

The man gave the shop owner twelve dollars.

"I'll take the rat; And I won't be bringing it back."

As he walked down the street carrying the bronze rat, he noticed that

a few real rats had crawled out of alleys and sewers, and began

following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting,

so he began to walk a little bit faster. Within a couple of blocks,

the group of rats behind him grew to over a hundred, and they began squealing.

He started to trot towards the Harbor. He took a nervous look around

and saw that the rats numbered in the thousands, maybe in the millions,

and they were all squealing and coming towards him faster and faster.

Terrified, he ran to the edge of the water and threw the bronze rat

as far out into the Harbor as he could. Amazingly, the millions of rats

all jumped into the water after it, and were drowned.

The man walked back to the curio shop.

"Aha," said the owner,"You're bringing it back!"

"Actually no," said the man.

"I came back to see how much you want for that little bronze Mexican over there!"

Skinny Dipping!!!

An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables,

horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for

swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer

decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while,

and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women

skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware

of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down

here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: Old men can still think fast

Sex!!!

Cabbage Patch Kids!!!

Dumbass!!!

Hot Dog!!!

Does Steven feel the same way???

Preoccupied!!!

M.A.E.

Jesus Saves!!!

How to stop a lesbian from smoking!!!

This is one of my mom's admirors!!! She met him online!!!

Gotta love those sweet moves!!!

Rednecks!!!

Redneck hunting trip!!! Redneck Boat House!!!
Redneck ATV Carrier!
Redneck Church Sign!
Redneck Themepark ride!
Redneck Golf Cart!
Redneck Hot Tub!
Redneck Limo!
Redneck Sex Ed!
Redneck Vacation Home!


The North has coffee houses,
The South has Waffle Houses

The North has dating services,
The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives,
The South has Lee Press-on Nails

The North has double last names,
The South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races,
The South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat,
The South has grits.

The North has green salads,
The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters,
The South has crawfish.

The North has the rust belt,
The South has the Bible Belt.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will bealong shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way.This is what they live for.Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the samestore. . .do not buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "ally'all's" is plural possessive.Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later onhow to use it.Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying.They can't understand you either.
The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective"big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy.
Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenceddialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longerproper.Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," youshould stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'llever say.If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even thesmallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the localgrocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. Youjust have to go there.Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their ownshotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them howto aim.In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lushgreen lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway. AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children,don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cathad kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.